Address the Mess; Emotional Duct Tape #1

Here’s how it plays out. I have watched this happen over and over.

We’ll call them Darrell and Amanda.

Darrell and Amanda opt to use emotional duct tape.

This time the disagreement is over whether or not Amanda should have bought the new upright Grandfather clock for $683.00 regularly priced at $999.00. Previous arguments have been in the $400.00 range.

It starts by Darrell walking in from work and seeing the new purchase in the entryway to the living room.

As it turns out, this purchase was not planned in the family budget nor was it even on their radar as a discussion item.

Amanda swears by the fact that this is something that she always wanted and that this price was the best price ever, probably never to happen again.

And, so the stage is set:

Darrell – What is this?

Amanda – I know isn’t it the best thing ever?

Darrell – It’s a grandfather clock!

Amanda – I know. I’ve wanted one of these all my life.

Darrell – This is the first I’ve heard of this.

Amanda – Darrell, it was the best price ever.

Darrell – How much?

Amanda – I saved over $300.00

Darrell – How much?

Amanda – I can use my reimbursement from my taxes last year toward it.

Darrell – How much?

Amanda – Just over $600.00.

Darrell – You did this without asking?

Amanda – I didn’t think that I had to ask for my own money. You are acting just like your father. So, demanding.

Darrell – You said that we would talk about our purchases beyond $200.00 Obviously I can’t trust your word.

Plenty of emotion, ample innuendos, and the ‘taping’ begins. Amanda wipes a tear from her eye, and Darrell leaves the house without saying a word.

He misses supper that night and gets home late.

Nothing said that night and the next day there is a strange silence in their home. Amanda knows better than to ask what is wrong and Darrell struggles for words.

About the third day, they start to acknowledge each other in the room, and things begin to calm down.

By the fifth day, things are great, and the marriage is incredible until…until the tape let’s go. Emotional Duct tape actually works, for the moment. The problem happens when used as a permanent solution. It then becomes thoroughly inadequate.

Instead of dealing with the issue in their marriage, these two choose to take the ‘easy’ way. They fix it with EDT and have a solution. Temporary at best.

Everyone Else Is

What do you do when everyone else is doing it?

There is ample opportunity to cut corners, to cheat, to ‘score,’ to sell the flawed dressed up as the perfect, after all, everyone else is doing it, or are they?

I can hear my dad in my ears, “Well if everyone else was jumping off a bridge would you do it?”

The answer is supposed to be ‘no,’ but I’ve grown up in a culture that actually jumps off bridges and pays someone for the opportunity. So the point gets clouded and indistinct. I see a culture today where there is a lot of ‘fuzz’ and not enough clarity.

Where are the Daniel’s of our day, the three Hebrew children? Where are the uncompromising, the integral, the honest if you will?

When it seems not to matter when no one appears to be looking, where are the men and women who play it straight?

Do you know anyone like that?

Do your friends?

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Inconsistency

So what do you do? What do you do when you find yourself being inconsistent?

I don’t have personal experience here, but others I’ve heard…Right? I’m sure each of us has had times when, being brutally honest, we don’t measure up to the exact measurements that we expect of ourselves. Yes?

Well, one tact is to pretend this is a problem for someone else and just move on. It’s the same idea of, “Don’t worry about where you are, just run faster.” Going faster might show great enthusiasm, but little to no reality for consistency. “But, if people see that I’m busy then they will respect me, honour me, love me…”

Then there is the honest way. I’m human, and I have the exact struggles that you have. Maybe I’m stronger in a given area, but I also am weaker, that’s right, I said weaker, in another.

The bottom line?

I guess I need to grow. I need to struggle to have life work well for me. I guess, “I guess I’m inconsistent.” There I said it.

Now I know where to work. Do you care to work with me?

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You Don’t Have To Live; You Get To!